Why Do I Try So Hard??

    Why do I try so hard to achieve my goals in life? It seems the harder I try, the harder I fall. No matter what I do, it seems that my heart gets yanked out of my chest and stomped on, only to be put back in and for people to tell me to just MOVE ON! The one thing in life that I want the most seems so unachievable at the moment. It was so close, things were starting to look up, the light at the end of the tunnel had been turned back on and it literally was in the palm of my hand and now it's gone! This is ever so heartbreaking to me as it's something I've wanted for a very long time.

    What's even worse is that it's all beginning to feel like a HUGE game is being played! One minute everything is great and then the next my heart is being ripped out! Then I get told that I'll never be let go, whether by the side or in the heart! But in the heart just isn't enough for me. I long for so much more, I need more…the more time goes on, the deeper the feeling gets! Why? Is it because I try so hard and I get too attached to something that I should've never gotten attached to in the first place? It's such a right kind of wrong! Why does it feel like this? Why am I holding on? For what? Will it ever be MINE?

    There's times when I just wish everything would go away and I could go back to being 5 again…when I didn't have a care in the world! When all I was worried about was getting up and going to school and had absolutely no stress! I so wish I could type out how I feel but it, unfortunately; has to stay HIDDEN for a little longer… :( To top it all off, I watch as my K-Boo goes through all of the boy drama in her life and I just wish for once she would listen to me and know that all of this just isn't worth it at the age of 17! I want her to not make some of the same mistakes I've made in my life; that boys just aren't worth all the drama that they carry along beside them! Will she ever learn? I hate to watch her go through the same crap I have to go through or had to go through! Won't she please just listen to me!

    I know that I've done some pretty screwed up things in my life and I am definitely not PERFECT, but can't everyone just forgive and forget and move on? Can we just let bygones be bygones? I have tried to better myself and what do I get? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! :( Well thanks for listening to me vent…and spill my guts out about my life as I shed many tears again today! Here's hoping and having faith that things will work out for the best in the end!

 

Till next time-

Meems

 

PS: Crochet Update: progress is going well on the crochet projects! :) Gingerbread House is in the works and will start working on the Christmas Countdown ASAP! Only downfall – have to learn that once I start a project I should really not put it on a hiatus status! LOL